Thursday, November 30, 2006

Coming Soon to a Cinema near you....

I just remembered that when I went to see Pan's Labyrinth the other day, there were a couple of ever so slightly disturbing trailers....I don't mean disturbing as in the content (well Okay, in a way I do) but I mean it's disturbing that these films were even made.

Now I've only seen the trailers so this is obviously just my own humble opinion, but to be fair the trailers alone were enough to make me want to run a mile.

Firstly there was a film entitled Flags of Our Fathers....from the title you may realise where I'm going with this, but I'll give you a hint.....we're talking an American made film about a significant/world changing (and probably history changing knowing the American film industry) event during WWII.

The flag in question, what else but, the Star Spangled particular, the one in a picture showing a bunch of American marines rising it after a particularly nasty battle towards the end of WWII. Which was then turned into a Pulitzer prize winning photograph. So, as far as the film is concerned, we can expect some stirring visuals and special effects, topical, patriotic and politically motivated themes, with a touch of the schmaltzy to tug at the heartstrings.....excuse me while I just go to find a quiet corner to barf in.

The second film seems equally disturbing and was called Black Christmas....Ooooh, I'm scared. A remake of a 1974 slasher flick of the same name (why oh why do they keep attempting to cash in on nostalgia, is Hollywood seriously that strapped for ideas...grrrr.) The trailer starts off with plenty of, oh so, pretty christmassy imagery; fluttering snow, a traditionally decorated house and tree, icicles, a sweet little Santa decoration.....juxtaposed with the tag sequences of: 'On the 25th day, of the 12th month, one man will creep around your house, and leave.......NO ONE ALIVE.... flashes of red and slash marks appear across the screen and a big boobed girl screams, (Okay, that's a little bit of an assumption there on my part, I may have been a man)......BLACK CHRISTMAS....The Ultimate Slay Ride.....CHRISTMAS 2006.

Oh dear mother of God why? Too many words of contempt, I don't even know where to begin. It will probably be a cult hit...which is unfortunate since the 1974 version already is one.

A comment on the ever dependable IMDB website says that, and I quote, "This is the worst film I have seen all year. It is worse than the Wicker Man remake." I personally think the guy is lying, surely nothing could be worse that the remake of the Wicker Man...I am not prepared, however, to sit through the 84 minutes of Black Christmas (2006) just to test this theory.