Friday, February 29, 2008

Just Because

Leap year...yadda, yadda....extra day in February, blah, blah....

I got turned down for another job today...apparently my answers were thorough, my IT skills were excellent and my general attitude was great....however, I apparently don't have the essential qualifications of the ability to sing nursery rhymes to a group of babies....I perhaps should have laid off the following rendition of:

Hey diddle diddle,
the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
Georgie Porgy Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
And in retrospect this one might have been better kept to myself:
Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
Meh, like the originals were all sweet and innocent anyway....personally I blame the writings of Roald Dahl....and my fathers slightly twisted humourisms.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Shaken not Stirred

Crikey...I'm proper excited...I just felt my first earthquake....there I was, watching a bit of late night/early morning telly and then my bed moved sideways and the wall shook wasn't anything massive, nothing fell over, books didn't fly off shelves and to be honest had I still been in the flat in Southampton I wouldn't have thought much about it considering a stiff breeze used to have the same effect (amongst other activities from next door neighbours, which don't need to be explored at this juncture)....hell I only realised it was an actual honest to goodness earth rumbler when I moseyed on over to the BBC news website to check the morrows/todays weather....according to the report Lincolnshire was the epicenter with a 5.3 quake at around 1am...I think that's pretty big by the UK standards...and no doubt every car alarm within several miles woke the residents, that is of course if they slept through the quake could a person sleep through an earthquake I hear you ask, well I asked the same of certain people who slept through a certain 'non' hurricane 20 years know who you are ;-)

I and if you don't believe me here's said news report link:

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Suck on this Cupid

Here's something way more exciting than a bit of recycled cardboard and the over priced reproductive structures of plants.....ladies and gents I bring you a trailer:

Sunday, February 10, 2008

A Worth While Amble in Worthing

Since today's weather turned out to be non-sucky I decided to put my newly obtained aversion toward shingle aside to venture along the beach front for an exploratory amble.

I stopped for lunch.....well, a packet of quavers and a a patch of grassland somewhere between Ferring and Littlehampton. This was marginally quieter than other areas along the beach where say the road runs parallel and people drive and park and then walk around 400 yards to let 'Pootles' defecate on the path, pick up the steaming turd and then wander back to their car via the ice cream van nearby.

But I view stretched all the way to High Down Hill to the north (and I'm pretty sure I could see Beachy Head to the East) and oodles of sea in front of me. People were certainly making the most of the lapse in winter conditions; cycling, walking, kite flying...some even braving water based activities.....One fella had taken the whole kite flying thing to another level, apparently half inching the office extractor fan, which he had strapped to his back, and swooping around under a parachute across the common and water......Although it looked like fun, I would suggest the chap was quite mad.

After a few minutes of sun worshipping I made my way back along the path to the prom in the Goring area I rested my wearies at one of the shelters and, as it was out of the breeze, watched the world go by for the next couple of hours.

It was at this time that I observed a couple of advanced age trying to get to grips with a piece of technology. Now this is always a fun mix....'Cotton Tops' and new fangled this instance the baffled pair were attempting to use a camera (not a video camera....or even a digital camera for that matter, but a common a garden click and wind on camera with apparently one picture left on the film).

The following conversation went something along the lines of:

Husband (posing next to sea wall) "Put me in the circle and press the red button"
Wife "What circle?"
Husband "The circle in the middle of the that you can fit me all in"
Wife "There is no circle.....I can only see your shoulder....maybe I have it the wrong way up"

Wife turns camera from landscape to portrait, but has the same problem....Husband takes camera and presses button (at a guess I'd say the zoom), hands back camera to wife and returns to pose.

Husband "Now press the button"
Wife "What button?"
Husband "The red button"
Wife "What red button?"
Husband "The RED the top"

Wife finds the red button and is about to take the picture when a group of children on roller blades skate past and get in the way (there had been no-one in the vicinity until that moment). Kids leave.

Wife "I can't see anything.....the sun's in my eyes"

Husband moves two feet to his right and wife takes picture (into direct sunlight)

Wife (looking at camera) "It says 35......there's still one left"

Moving on.....the small sea wall which runs much of the length of the prom, obviously, makes a perfect walkway for those somewhere between the ages of 5-13 (and apparently Worthing's spritely 60+ contingent)...though where I was situated an entrance to the beach meant a 4 metre gap. Some bright spark named Esme (should have been about 65 with that name but was closer to 10) decided a plank of wood (one of the many still strewn across the beach) was just what was needed to rectify the situation and, with the assistance of other urchins, dutifully bridged the gap.

It was when she was halfway across that Esme discovered that 4m long plank plus weight of child equals 'bendy middle'....cautiously all daring doers wobbly completed the obstacle without injury.

Young Fabio (Worthing is apparently a paradox of alternative kids names)who ventured across moments later however was not quite so lucky.....mainly as when he discovered the bendy middle his 8 or 9 year old boy brain decided 'trampoline'. I won't go into detail but the seconds following this genius decision involved snapping, splintering, screaming and life lesson learned for poor young Fabio.

And this leads neatly into what I myself learned from my little excursion today:

Toys which are electronic or involve batteries are not a patch on sea washed flotsom in terms of entertainment value.

Wrapped up old people can fall asleep anywhere...and it will take at least two attempts for them to go from a sitting to standing position

Prolonged bench sitting invariably leads to 'numb arse' syndrome

Boys with a baseball bat and pebbles are not a great mix when you factor the sudden appearance of a low flying seagull

Friday, February 08, 2008

Wolf Peagasus Three Part 2 - Better Get Comfy

I thought it was about time I wrote up the rest of the event....since time is whizzing and if I don't hurry up we'll have had P4 and I'll have to start all over again.....yes that does mean I have bought my ticket already....a whole year in advance......I like to plan ahead......well ahead, get all things in order etc....aka, I'm not so much with the will-power.
So, in no particular order and again just by what I can actually remember the last three guest of Wolf Pegasus Three:

Kavan Smith....yes I am a fan of Major Lorne so I was more than a little excited when I heard Kavan would be attending (who wouldn't be the man is very easy on the eyes). He was incredibly funny and seemed a natural story teller keeping the audience engaged and in gales of laughter for both talks of which the highlights were;
Growing up a prankster he and his brother would play up in front of their Grandmother at the family home. One day he and his brother were playing fighting in their bedroom and when said Grandmother came in to break it up Kavan launched his brother out of the window (they were one floor up at the time). Their friends had placed a mattress underneath the window for his brother to fall on and this was removed and ketchup squirted everywhere to look like blood. At this point Kavan said something only the lines of "We realised at that young age that old people have problems with their hearts. Cos she almost died on the spot!"....very funny, crowd in fits of giggles, especially since Kavan was doing the voice for his Gran.

At one point in the talk he was asked for a obviously sprang to mind straight away and Kavan toiled with telling it to the eager crowd before saying it was too rude (obviously hadn't gaged the low mental standards of the room yet) we all begged and pleaded until Kavan said he'd tell a cleaner version of events.
He was filming in a river and was setting up for a stunt (one of the few he has done) which involved create the effect of the white water a couple of jet boats were used (I know, it's all an illusion in film isn't it?). Kavan had to be in the thick of the action and was hoisted into the white water...apparently he ended up a little closer than he should to the jet boat engines and the jet stream ended up cleaning out an area of anatomy which usually "stuff only comes out".....crowd roared with laughter, especially when Kavan went on to say than his panic stricken look so impressed the director that he asked him to keep up the scared which Kavan retorted "yes, I was scared.....I was having my spleen cleaned." So funny, and Kavan doubled checked himself which he realised he shared an enema story with the audience.

The other story I remember, which was triggered when people had to leave for a photoshoot causing Kavan to comment that "people will be so upset they missed this....the enema story was nothing compared to this" (hehe, what a meany), was when Kavan was in a stage play.
Basically Kavan did a scene and the lights go out....the stage was raised and when he should exit, his way would be marked by a special tape which glows in the dark...."so the lights go out and no glow tape".....a couple of thousand people in the audience and poor Kavan is stuck in the pitch black on a raised stage needing to get off before the next scene starts up. At this point Kavan mimed what happened next(whilst remaining sat in the chair I might add)....moving off the stage he runs smack bang into a pole and breaks his nose "Shiiiit".....managing to get off the stage he makes his way to the stairs which are also supposed to be glow taped....."no, glow I hit the stairs (mimes falling down the stairs) and Shiiit....Owwwwww"......Needless to say we all reveled in the poor guys misfortunes and the way Kavan mimed out what had happened added to the hilarity.

So that's the stories I remember, I'm sure there was much more but here's the other snippets I recall:

Kavan has been through Vulcan (Canada) on a Vulcan (which is a motorcycle I opposed to a alien with arched eyebrows, which is where some of you were going with that)
His only Cocktail trick is "throw it up way high....and walk away"
According to Kavan, Canada don't have military they have a bi-plane and shoot em up guys
He was raised in an igloo on Polar Bear meat
His eyes are grey but change colour depending on his attire
Is afraid of Sharks and Splunking (?)...(summit to do with caves)
His worst review read....Kavan Smith. Gay.
He can mime piano playing better than an actual piano player, miming piano playing
He was a little worried coming back as, Lorne since he'd played the character slightly different in SG-1, and heard "fans watch that stuff kinda closely"
"Paul is gay"

Oh, also when I went to the get my autograph we had a brief discussion about the adventure activity oppotunities in New Zealand, particularly the Queenstown area in the South Island (which I went on my travels some years ago....whole other blog entry there)....And finally, when I had my picture taken I was a bundle of nerves....(I've mentioned that the man has been repeated struck upside the head with a handsome stick right?)....but had enough gumption to ask for a hug which he quite happily posed.

So, who next....Oh I think I'll go with Dean Dean I obviously knew as Sgt. Bates from the first season....a recurring character just like Kavan, but not seen in several seasons....and it was his very first convention (bless) so we didn't know what to expect really. I can say whole heartedly that he is a very genuine and plesant chap who, although a little nervous, entertained the, upon asking me what he said...I unfortunately remember very little.

I did actually ask Dean a couple of questions first "What was you most memorable or funniest moment while filming SGA?" (I know, get front of about 500 people). To which he replied that working with Robert Patrick was a lot of fun.....and went on to tell a story which the man himself had told about meeting Mike Tyson...Robert had asked him for his autograph and Tyson...being a tad inebriated at the time...had taken one look at him and started saying "Terminator!" in a slightly excitable fashion before saying something along the lines of "I have $5,000, I want your autograph"
The other question I asked was "What has been you worst job, either in film or otherwise?".....I can't remember what Deans' whole reply was (and it's now also mixed with Kavan's glow-tape story) but it was a theatre produciton he had done where nothing had worked right, as in the lighting, and had been a bit of a shambles.

When asked how Bates would have run Atlantis if he'd had the chance Dean said he/Bates would have been much more cautious with the Athosians and other alien "allies".....someone here shouted that Bates may have slept around less too....(hinting to Sheppard's "Kirk" like habits)....Dean laughed and said "I can't believe you just said that".
What else did Dean do, talked alot about his family, who are from Trinidad & Tobago and mentioned that he plays steel drums (how cool is that? con Dean's at I shall remember to pack the steel drums just in case)....he also told a story about a photo he has of his father standing in Trafalgar Square, which he brought with him to recreate (how sweet is that) and he does a fabulous West Indies accent which turns "beer can" into "bacon"....hmmm, Bates with a West Indies accent, now that would've been funny.

Other snippets from his talks include:

According to Dean, Bates has a brother, is a LA Lakers fan and his first name could possibly be Damien
Does a great impression of Kermit the Frog singing "It's not easy being Green"
When he was 7 Dean destoryed his brothers Stretch Armstrong
Realised at an early age that Goldfish don't need heating...which didn't turn out so great for said goldfish.
Was in the Miltary
If he wasn't an actor he's be a scientist......or a stripper

Dean was actually the first person I had a photo session with....I hadn't planned on getting a picture with anyone other than Kavan and Paul, but upon hearing Dean's talks I warmed to him instantly and again asked for a hug......what can I say I love a good hug.....Dean was lovely and did a full on two armed hug during which he giggled so much my head bounced around on his chest (not that I was complaining).....speaking of the giggle, Dean really does have a great laugh and at the autographs I told him he had the dirtiest laugh I had ever heard in my life.....he promply giggled at which point i said "yep...that's the one" more laughing....Apparently at his high school he had been voted "the person with the most infectious laugh"....Dean's such a sweetie. Wonder if the PTB will include Bates in season 5, here's hoping.

Now then that pretty much wraps up the whole convention thing *mentally checks off* activities, talks and guests...yup that's the lot....oh could I possibly have forgotton...(how did Bryan put it?) "The man with the nicest legs in Scotland.....Paul McGillion"

Obviously Paul got the mostenthusiastic and raptuous applause of the entire weekend and this continued pretty much every time he put in an appearence and whenever he said the words "Scotland" and "Thank-you"....we con fans are a simple bunch and obviously easy to please.
Now, Paul has the most fabulous stories and I hope I can do them a little justice here, though I can't do the Scottish accent so you'll just have to use your imagination there...yes I know, didn't realise there would be cognative involvement in the reading of my blog there did ya.....well I'll start with the question I asked first Iguess (I know...I was on fire this year)....which went something like this:
"Last year Kate (Hewlett) mentioned she had kept some of her wardrobe from A Dog's Breakfast and I was wondering if you kept anything....and more to the point who got the blow up doll?....I understand the latter part may be a little flummoxing to those who haven't see ADB....but then again I've been on about enough in the last year so seriously watch it!
Now Paul's reaction consisted of.....suitibly surprised, amused and alarmed...he commented that "he wouldn't make a very good looking woman." and that he had kept the track suit and the Star Crossed outfit, as to the blow up doll he said that "David has it in his trailer"...I had expected such a remark and commented that "David said you would say that and that you'd be lying"....much hilarity from the audience and Paul, quick as you like, asked "Are you channelling Daivd....coz it's kinda creepy"....amongst the gales of laughter I mentioned David had said as much at the autographs last year and as I returned to my seat Paul called for "Security to escort her out"....the man is very funny indeed.

Ok, well Paul was asked to describe his fellow cast members in one word and say why which went:
Jason......Cool.....Because he is.
Rachel......Sexy....Because she is.
Tori.....Classy.....Because she is.
Joe.....Hair....Because of the gel!
David......Creepy....Because he kissed me!.....Seriously though.....funny.....Because he is.

Now, which is particularly funny is when he got the news that he had the part of Carson Beckett on Stargate: Atlantis and the conversation he had with his elderly and Scottish went something like;

Paul...."I've got a part on a TV show"
Paul's Scottish Dad...."Och...that's great"
Paul....."I'm playing a Scottish Doctor"
Paul's Dad....."A Scottish Doctor, Och, that's brilliant...What's the show?"
Paul..."It's called Stargate"
Paul's Dad...."What?"
Paul's Dad....."Star Trek"
Paul....."No, dad Stargate"
Paul's Dad...."Star Trek"
Paul....."No dad, Stargate Atlantis"
Paul's Dad...."It's no' Bloody's Star Trek, wit'ya Scottish Doctor, I've bin watchin' it f'years"
Paul..."It's Stargate...I'm the one on it"
Paul's Dad..."Hey, dunne raise y'voice t'y' old man....(to his wife) Paul's got a part on the Star Trek"
Paul's Mum...."That's lovely....are you on Star Trek?"
Paul....."Yes, yes I am"

So funny...there was even more hilarity, as Paul has recently got a part in the new Star Trek movie (though unfortunately not as Scotty) and when he informed his parents the conversation was remarkably similar to the above, though in reverse. His parent beliving that he was brought back to play Carson Beckett in a Stargate Movie.....bless his wee confuzzled parents...something with which many of us no doubt can empathise.

Paul...who was wearing a kilt....didn't I mention the kilt? jumped up onto an examination table (which had been placed on the stage) to lie back and relax...he then realised he was wearing a kilt.....I have heard on the grapevine (aka those lucky enough to be seated in the front row) that Paul Scottish heritige was safely underwraps....there was quite a roar of laughter, wolf whistles etc from the 95% female, and at that point understandably flustered, crowd.
Right another story....and my personal favourite since the tale was instigated from my own humble township of Bognor Regis (Can tell ya, I whooped ultra loud upon hearing those two words come out of Paul's mouth) the story...he had been attending a convention at Butlins (oh, poor, poor Paul) and had gone to a nearby village for a pint.....the barmaid had recognised him and a gent on the next barstool overheard the conversation that Paul was on Stargate.....the rest of the conversation went as follows (oh, and imagine if you will Paul putting on a relativly passable cockney accent for the guy)

Paul..."this big guy's sitting at the bar with his buddy....I think you might call him a chav (lol), he had a white tank top on, shaved head...all his knuckles kind of scarred and basically just got in a fight...huge, muscular guy and he looks over and he goes....(slightly dodgy Britsh Chav-like accent)....are you on the Stargate mate? (Paul) and I'm like yes, I'm on Stargate....(Chav)your on Stargate?....(Paul) yes....(Chav) it's my mate, it's my mate off the Stargate right there...listen mate if anyone give you any trouble, you on the telly?...(Paul) yes....(Chav) anyone gives you a hard time, I'll smash their fuckin' head in" (gales of laughter)....Paul continues "So I'm like...thank...thank-you, you don't really need to do that...(chav guy), you're my mate're my best mate off the stargate...anyone gives you a hard time...smash, smash, smash...their face yeah....I'm gonna be with you all night now mate yeah....(Paul)...I'm like "Oh, my God....what am I giong to do....I'm trapped" he sits beside me and is like (Chav) when are you from? (Paul)....Canada....(Chav)....I'm gonna come visit you in Canada're my mate off Stargate....the guy eventually went off for a slash and Paul's friend said "what are we gonna do?"...(Paul) "well we've got no choice...we've got to out drink him.....and we did!" (huge cheers and a massive round of applause)

During the autographs I had to comment on Paul's tale from Bognor....I told him "I have a bone to pick with you" Paul looked up looking a little scared "my hometown.....Bognor Regis" he back peddled saying that he'd said nothing bad about Bognor and that the incident had happened in a nearby village.....soon realised I was jesting (and didn't this time call for security) unfortunately he couldn't remember either the name of the village or the pub in which he had met "his mate"....I also said to Paul that he told the funniest stories and gave the best which point he said thanks and signed my picture "many hugs"....Oh, and yes the hug was at my final photo session at which he commented on my cool Goonies T-Shirt.
What else for Paul....
He commented on the "Save Carson Beckett Campaign" which had been successful in getting the character back for an episode in the forth season (and now also 5 episodes in the 5th....*does happy dance*) and had much praise for the fans in general which was nice to hear.
His apartment is bursting with toy turtles.
He does a fabulously funny impression of Joe Flanigan
Says he makes a hideous looking woman
That kissing David was creepy....and that "he kissed me by the way"
Loves Jaffa Cakes and Nutella....particularly what one highly embarassed fan wanted to do to him with the Nutella....don't worry love I think we're all with ya there! ;-)

So, there you go, a complete and total write up of my, ever-so-slighty mad but also dreamy, weekend in London....the guests were great, the fans were great....even Bryan was great....(My dad was great also and incredibly patient)......there is but one thing left to answer......

What in the name of all that's richeous is Kavan Smith up to in this photo?

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Modern Living

The job I wanted to get found a better and more experienced candidate.

I have a blister on my heel for my troubles.

I will run out of money in approx 3-4 months.

I intend to spend the rest of the day eating my weight in Chocolate