Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Gremlin's at Work

I'm pretty sure that Gremlins were are work during my shift know the put your keys in the basket on the side table near the door when you get in, a process you have repeated daily etc etc....but of course the moment you're in a hurry the keys are not in the basket on the side table.....or in the vicinity of the side table....or even in close proximity of the hall in the which the side table is situated....instead they are eventually discovered in the fridge.......I believe I have mentioned the 'lumpy pavement' variety of Gremlins in a previous entry....obviously they have different roles and obligations to aggravate and humiliate the human population.

Today various Gremlins were at work....for starters the weather Gremlin had seen fit to provide a miserably damp and grey day. I opened my curtains and was immediately greeted with a huge, and disgustingly runny, dollop of bird poop....of which I'm unfortunately going to have to put up with until either the next heavy down pour or a good Samaritan randomly decides to jet wash my bedroom window.

At work I set too distributing vital supplies in a visually appeasing and functional manner, while multi-tasking, when needed, as money handler/sustenance provision liaison /gossip girl/Co-op aid with the distribution...OK,OK so it's officially called shelf-stacking....I seconded a shopping trolley and dutifully began my day....soon I was hearing bells.....the, not so subtle, indication that my talents are needed elsewhere and so to the tills I trundled...several minutes, a few dozen slightly confused and completely deaf cotton tops with purses full of change, two leaky milks and a pack of broken eggs, later and I returned to my original task at hand....only to discover that a Gremlin (obviously related to the 'missing keys' Gremlin) had half inched my trolley full of goods......this particular Gremlin, however, actually goes by the name of Richard, a colleague, who likes to think of himself as a prankster and had moved the darn thing to confuzzle litt'l 'ol me.....that's fine, but what Rich doesn't realise is that I'm a thinker and a planner...and he should be afraid.....very afraid.

So, anyway, not a Gremlin.....later I slogged away in the loo roll isle, ensuring that the residents of the West Worthing/Goring area didn't have to resort to using yesterdays Daily Mirror/Mail/Sun to wipe their derriere...again the 'co-op call' sounded and again upon my return from battle I discovered my immaculate display of 'Charmin ultra velvet' was now in disarray.....seeing Rich in the vicinity I called him on his mischievousness asking if he again had been playing 'silly buggers'.....and with a genuine expression of bewilderment (granted it is an expression which Rich carries off on a regular basis) he denied any then, a 'toilet roll display altering' Gremlin at large in Co-op.

Finally, I was deemed worthy of a tea break and walked the half-mile up a thousand stairs, across roofs and, today, swum through flood water to the 'staff room' hands were scummy from opening boxes and crawling around hands and knees (which is not as much fun as a 28 year old than it was as an 8 year old) and I wandered over to the sink to de-scum....The soap was contained in an industrial size plastic box fixed on the wall with one of those plunger type things on the top....I held out my hand under the nozzle and pushed down on the soap...I pushed the plunger again....again, no soap....I push the plunger a third time, at which point a jet of dark green soap shot out of the nozzle, missed my hand completely and spread a line of green slime up my arm, along my shirt sleeve and over my shoulder, dispersing across and chair and table halfway across the room and leaving me with the feeling I'd just been 'slimed'.....the rest of my break was spent trying to rid my being of the industrial soap, which smelled not unlike industrial waste....there was a definite 'sticking plunger' Gremlin at work there me thinks.

And finally......fortunately my green-eyed regular was back in today....unfortunately I wasn't on till and so didn't serve him....fortunately I was wandering round the shop floor 'working' which was a great excuse to admire from afar....unfortunately there was no excuse to initiate conversation....fortunately stocking low shelves enabled me to oogle his basket.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Hearing Tunes

No you haven't gone mad....the TARDIS hasn't materialised inside your head.....I have discovered the wonderful world of promptly went to work finding as many of my favourite theme tunes as possible, so enjoy while you cogitate on my thoughts, rants, observations etc etc. (by the way don't blame me, blame my fellow 80's obsessed blogger across the pond fireflymom and check out her own play list at be warned though, after a few minutes, you may feel inclined to grow a mullet and wear stonewashed jeans)

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Co-op 101

By the time I finished work yesterday my left foot was aching so badly I had quite a normal 15 minute walk to get back home took a little over half and hour and my foot continued to throb with gusto for around 4-5 hours after I put my feet up. I strapped up the foot, hoping that it would make a difference for my shift today, alas not...throbbing started after less than an hour at work and, even though I asked to be placed on the only till with a chair (apparently only family members of supervisors get that privileged) I was on the kiosk, standing all day.....I alternately stood on one leg and attempted to hop to the section for ciggies, which must have looked a tad strange to the customers, but to be honest I couldn't give a hoot.

I was busy serving all day, as well as attempting to restock the booze and moaned at from a customer as I didn't have any open carrier bags on my till (I had actually opened hundreds during the course of the day, but funnily enough opened bags get used).....but then this particular old fart had a woman with her who did all her packing anyway and didn't need any carriers, so I guess she just felt the need to bitch and moan at the poor sales assistant to make her life feel complete....I will now remember her face in the future and make sure there are plenty of bags on offer when she next passes through the till....and will laugh as the shopping falls out of the bottom which inexplicably falls out.

Fully crappy day in all....except of course for a certain tall, dark and green-eyed fella who apparently IS a all that is needed is a way to convey 'I think you're hot' in 'do you have a co-op card?' and 'would you like to go for a drink' in 'would you like the receipt?'.

Monday, May 19, 2008

I Have the Best Job in the title with extra sarcasm

Right, as you probably have gathered I have started a new job, a week and a half in now, and therefore I may have the desire to rant...we'll forget the 'acme' throbbing feet and spine which feels like that of an arthritic contortionist....for today I would like to dedicate my blog to the people who seem to leave their brain at the door when they come into the shop....and in some cases I'm not convinced they had one before they crossed the threshold.

Exhibit A - Coming in to buy a bottle of whiskey 5 minutes before closing on a Friday night and paying with a carrier bag full of pennies and two pence pieces is not going to endear you to either the staff who've been on their feet all day or the poor sod in the queue behind who came in for a pint of milk with the correct change.

2. - As a 'representative' of the store I work in I am obligated to ask certain would you like a bag/cash back, do you have a loyalty card etc...I would appreciate that your (ie the customer) facial expression was a little something more than 'blank' and a little less than 'your words insulted my grandmother'....Oh, and answering the question 'would you like the receipt?' may seem like a challenge, but in reality is actually easier to answer than, say, working out PI to the thirteenth decimal place.

iii - Since there are a gazillion different brands of well as packs coming in 10's 20's 40's menthol, smooth, king and superking and are all similar colours (and I'm a non-smoker so haven't a bloody clue anyway) speak up, speak clearly and please don't attempt any world records in speed talking because 'twentylambertnbultlersuperkingmentholblue' or 'p'ketofs'imfil'ers, rizz'ers and a b'gofgol'envirg'a' is going to leave me confuzzled, flustered and 100% likely to chuck your way the first packet which comes to hand....your preferred brand be damned.

And D - When I politely decline my services at the till as I'm heading off for a break...saying 'Sorry, could you go to the tills round the corner'...I mean the tills contained within the store we're currently situated in, not the ones in the shop next door.....can I get a bucket full of 'doh' for the gent who did just that at the weekend.

Urgh...Okay, that's me ranted out for the time being, though I'm sure there will be much more material soon....on the plus side, today I served a positively lovely (and by 'lovely' I mean drop dead gorgeous) young man (whom I'm hoping is a regular) who can come through my till any which way he likes!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

New Job

After several months of unemployedness and a bank account which barely registers, I've finally happened upon a vacancy which should keep me afloat at my current digs, with just about enough money left over to buy food and a few luxuries...or should that be the other way round. It's nothing at all special, regressing back several years of training and study to serve the general public once again....the ignorant, grumpy and impatient general public, who expect me to be at their beck and call, have the ability to read minds and know not only every product we hold in store, but also the best way to prepare and cook it.....all this for the minimum wage....and minimum breaks i might add.

Inevitably this new job, which I started last Tuesday, came about just as Britain basked in a mini heatwave...temps up to 27 degrees C, glorious blue skies and perfect weather for a bit of exploring and BBQ's.....for every other bugger that, I've been pretty much either been chained to a till or sweatin' bullets replenishing stock to shelves....Oh, I shall continue to search listings for other jobs, while hoping that someone will give me a chance to work in a job which electrifies the synapses rather than killing off braincells due to mind numbingly boring repetition.

In other news, I did actually get out into the sunshine on my day off last week and took a stroll along the seafront to the pier. While chatting to an old boy and munching on an apple I became aware of the lifeguard rescue boat racing in our direction, it passed through the pilings and stopped a one man catamaran on the opposite side...they had words with the sailor who was under the impression that he would be able to sail straight under without incident. I figured crisis had been averted and went back to my apple only to feel a thud moments later. The sailor apparently ignoring the advice of the lifeguards had crashed his mast several feet taller than the pier scraping the side. As I turned to get a better look the craft was in the process of capsizing and drifted out the other side, the gathering crowd switching sides to watch the hapless man floundering in the water (which must have been freezing) with the rescue boat along side...not unlike a game of pooh sticks The lifeguards then aided the man the right the boat, taking several attempts, and towed him back to dry land...the mast looking decidedly wonky....what a numpty.

And after many misses in the most recent series of Doctor Who I'm glad to report a top episode at the weekend....the introduction of the Doctors daughter was interesting and emotional and happily won't put the nose out of joint of any of the die-hards out there in terms of canon and mythology...will be interesting to see if 'Jenny' turns up in an future episodes, or even Torchwood for that matter.

Right well that's me for now, I'm off to order a new pair of feet and crack my spine into a more natural position, until my shift tomorrow anyhoo.