I'm pretty sure that Gremlins were are work during my shift today....you know the type....you put your keys in the basket on the side table near the door when you get in, a process you have repeated daily etc etc....but of course the moment you're in a hurry the keys are not in the basket on the side table.....or in the vicinity of the side table....or even in close proximity of the hall in the which the side table is situated....instead they are eventually discovered in the fridge.......I believe I have mentioned the 'lumpy pavement' variety of Gremlins in a previous entry....obviously they have different roles and obligations to aggravate and humiliate the human population.
Today various Gremlins were at work....for starters the weather Gremlin had seen fit to provide a miserably damp and grey day. I opened my curtains and was immediately greeted with a huge, and disgustingly runny, dollop of bird poop....of which I'm unfortunately going to have to put up with until either the next heavy down pour or a good Samaritan randomly decides to jet wash my bedroom window.
At work I set too distributing vital supplies in a visually appeasing and functional manner, while multi-tasking, when needed, as money handler/sustenance provision liaison /gossip girl/Co-op tomtom.....to aid with the distribution...OK,OK so it's officially called shelf-stacking....I seconded a shopping trolley and dutifully began my day....soon I was hearing bells.....the, not so subtle, indication that my talents are needed elsewhere and so to the tills I trundled...several minutes, a few dozen slightly confused and completely deaf cotton tops with purses full of change, two leaky milks and a pack of broken eggs, later and I returned to my original task at hand....only to discover that a Gremlin (obviously related to the 'missing keys' Gremlin) had half inched my trolley full of goods......this particular Gremlin, however, actually goes by the name of Richard, a colleague, who likes to think of himself as a prankster and had moved the darn thing to confuzzle litt'l 'ol me.....that's fine, but what Rich doesn't realise is that I'm a thinker and a planner...and he should be afraid.....very afraid.
So, anyway, not a Gremlin.....later I slogged away in the loo roll isle, ensuring that the residents of the West Worthing/Goring area didn't have to resort to using yesterdays Daily Mirror/Mail/Sun to wipe their derriere...again the 'co-op call' sounded and again upon my return from battle I discovered my immaculate display of 'Charmin ultra velvet' was now in disarray.....seeing Rich in the vicinity I called him on his mischievousness asking if he again had been playing 'silly buggers'.....and with a genuine expression of bewilderment (granted it is an expression which Rich carries off on a regular basis) he denied any involvement...so then, a 'toilet roll display altering' Gremlin at large in Co-op.
Finally, I was deemed worthy of a tea break and walked the half-mile up a thousand stairs, across roofs and, today, swum through flood water to the 'staff room'....my hands were scummy from opening boxes and crawling around hands and knees (which is not as much fun as a 28 year old than it was as an 8 year old) and I wandered over to the sink to de-scum....The soap was contained in an industrial size plastic box fixed on the wall with one of those plunger type things on the top....I held out my hand under the nozzle and pushed down on the plunger...no soap...I pushed the plunger again....again, no soap....I push the plunger a third time, at which point a jet of dark green soap shot out of the nozzle, missed my hand completely and spread a line of green slime up my arm, along my shirt sleeve and over my shoulder, dispersing across and chair and table halfway across the room and leaving me with the feeling I'd just been 'slimed'.....the rest of my break was spent trying to rid my being of the industrial soap, which smelled not unlike industrial waste....there was a definite 'sticking plunger' Gremlin at work there me thinks.
And finally......fortunately my green-eyed regular was back in today....unfortunately I wasn't on till and so didn't serve him....fortunately I was wandering round the shop floor 'working' which was a great excuse to admire from afar....unfortunately there was no excuse to initiate conversation....fortunately stocking low shelves enabled me to oogle his basket.