Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Eyes Hurt, Skin Hurts, Tongue to Big for Mouth

The moment I realised I was about to come down with some kind of plague wasn't when my sister-in-law lost her voice over Christmas, it wasn't when father became more woolly minded than usual around two weeks later, it wasn't even when mother virtually hacked up and lung whilst we were catching up with the exploits of, the moment I realised my future was the joys of every piece of food tasting like cardboard, a continuous swarm of mosquitoes in my head, both shivering and sweating at the same time and the mucus...for the love of God, the mucus...yes that moment was when the various folk sharing the same carriage as I last week seemed intent on superfluously spreading every infected molecule across the train in a world where obviously the humble tissue had never been invented.  Why use such devices when you can sneeze spittle half the length of the carriage, cough phlegm onto the back of the seat in front or even wipe mucus onto seat coverings...obviously more absorbent than a man size Kleenex...and then touch the 'open door' button the stop before mine.  And so I shall wrap myself in my duvet as my nose turns a lovely shade of raw red and my lungs test whether a cough or sneeze works as well as regular breathing techniques....And I may or may not watch my entire collection of Harry Potter films in a hallucinogenic haze.


Firefly Mom said...

I was wondering how long it would take for the Sasquatch scourge to make it across the pond.

Just think of all of the good TV watching you'll get in while you're down! A quick look over on the BBC listings include these gems:

BBC3: Bizarre Crime - Including a wannabe robber found naked in a supermarket chimney and a kidnapped owl. (I realize that these are probably 2 separate cases, but just think of how much funnier it would have been if the naked robber was trapped in the chimney *with* the owl!)

BBC2: Escape to the Country - Jules Hudson is house-hunting in Shropshire, with a maximum budget of 420,000 pounds. (ONLY 420,000 pounds?!? Good lord, however will Jules survive in such a shack?)

Or you could always watch the snooker semi-finals. :D

Emma said...

haha, thanks for the viewing tips...snooker may put me into a coma so i think I'll skip it. There's not even Sherlock to look forward to tomorrow since the lazy arse production team only see fit to make 3 episodes...damn them!

At least i have a copious DVD collection, now if i could only decide what kind of mood I'm in; fluffy Disney, adventurous Spielberg or gratuitous violence with Bruce Willis?

Firefly Mom said...

You're welcome. :D I wish they'd make more than three at a time. Why is it that crap shows seem to be on all the $%@#ing time, but the really good shows have only a handful of episodes. It seems unnecessarily cruel.

As for the order, I say violence first, adventure next, and leave the fluffy Disney until right before bed. (It's hard to doze off when there are massive explosions every 30 seconds.)