Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Open Mouth...Insert Foot

One of my favourite things is listening and observing the gen pop. It never fails to amaze and amuse me as to some of the ridiculously stupid things people do and say. some of which I have gone on to detail in this 'ere blog. I've also been known to drop the odd clanger myself...hey I can't be perfect all the time....but I'd like to think I'm a little better than say George dubya (not entirely his fault as apparently he was 'misunderestimated') in terms of my general knowledge and the ability to create sentences that make actual sense. Apparently though a fair few of those who are suppose to represent and be role models for future generations should be encouraged to engage brain before opening mouth:

"I'm not anorexic. I'm from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I've never heard of one. And that includes me." Jessica Simpson

"If you have intercourse you run the risk of dying and the ramifications of death are final." Cyndi Lauper

"I get to go to lots of overseas places - like Canada." Britney Spears

"So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?" Christina Aguilera

"It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people." Axl Rose

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff." Mariah Carey

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." Former Vice-President Dan Quayle

"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them." George Bush (that explains a lot)

"I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding." Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons

"The only happy artist is a dead artist, because only then you can't change. After I die, I'll probably come back as a paintbrush." Sylvester Stallone (I dare say his performance 'wood' remain the same)

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix." Dan Quayle (again)

"I think that the film 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness" Alicia Silverstone

"I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist." Tara Reid

“What’s Wal-Mart? Do they sell, like wall stuff?” Paris Hilton

"The single most important two things we can do..." Tony Blair

"We have a lot of kids who don't know what works means. They think work is a four-letter word." Hillary Clinton

Who? Oh yeah... he's like your president? I don't know what he looks like." Paris Hilton's thoughts on Tony Blair

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." George Dubya (my personal favourite)

"fool me once, shame on.. .. shame on you?.. .. Fool me.. you can't get fooled again." George Dubya

"You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone." Al Capone

“I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face.” Johnny Depp (if that's his secret then keep on keeping on JD)

"I've hired a teacher to teach me the French language, because I know they all speak French in Europe and I don't want to talk any nonsense while I'm there" Paris Hilton (who else)

“I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.” Miss Alabama 1994 (you should stop the cue-tip when there's resistance)

“I’ve always wanted to be a spy, and frankly I’m a little surprised that British Intelligence has never approached me.” Elizabeth Hurley (because they're the British Intelligence?)

“A zebra does not change its spots.” Al Gore (He went to Harvard dontcha know ;-)

"Sorry, I don’t know much about you. I don’t follow tennis.” Christina Aguilera to Tiger Woods, after he told her he loved her music. (obviously spends her days with her head in a bucket of sand)

“I can play in the center, on the right, and occasionally on the left side.” David Beckham asked if he was a “volatile” player.

“I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don’t know into what religion yet.” Beckham again (sweetie just kick the ball and look pretty will ya)

"How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?" Duke of Edinburgh Prince Philip, to Scottish driving instructor

"Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed." Prince Philip again during the depth of a recession in Britain in 1981.

Well that killed a few minutes...remember to keep your ears open


Firefly mom said...

Dubya - you just know that his mamma dropped him on his head as a baby. Or maybe it's inbreeding. How else do you explain him being the "smart" brother??

And Dan Quayle...there just aren't words.

I do believe those are the smartest words I've ever heard come out of Tara Reid's mouth.

(BTW - I appreciate you throwing in a few who aren't Americans ;)

Emma said...

I know...there was way too many Dubya quotes to stick in this blog....that and his falling of that sedgeway thingy and choking on a pretzel...for the love of god his poor PR people ;-)

I had to do several google searches to get a few quotes from non-Americans...seems that when our celebs say something stupid the rest of the world just says 'oh, cute accent'....Prince Philip is always good for a laugh...though much of his stuff is unprintable :-)